Jacob Woods

Jacob Woods
Jacob is gay. He eats, breaths, and sleeps lgbt issues. Currently he is a rural psychology student working to educate the simpletons. Enjoy his blog and his other creative meanderings!

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Tuesday, March 8

What's Up On Good as Gay Tumblr

I got stupid and decided to get a Tumblr a while back. It has actually been pretty beneficial because I decided to start being funny on the site and I was re-blogged by one of the larger tumblers on the community. If you love to kill time, like lets say entire days or weekends, Tumblr is the place to be. If you don't have one and want one you should get one and follow me. http://goodasgay.tumblr.com It will make me happy. This will get you access to my dating/sex mini humor column where I give really shitty advice on sex and relationship topics. I do it spontaneously when I am inspired. Here are some samples.

The first one is the post that went mini viral one evening. It had 171 notes on it once it was done. I ended up with 70 followers after it was done going viral for me.

Dating Advice: How To Be a Good Gay Top

The question came from a search term in which led some poor soul to randomly find my blog.

I figure it is a frequent question.

My advice is simple. In order to be a good gay top you need to consult a choreographer and learn how to spin quickly in circles. If a choreographer is too spendy try contacting a ballet teacher instead. Either will do but the second one can be found in an inner city high school. They will be willing to work for free.

Once you have mastered learning how to spin quickly, preferably on one foot, you want to hire a costume designer to create for you a swirly rainbow dress. If you can't afford it run a bake sale. this should add to your overall gayness part that you are trying to achieve. The top part is all in the spinning and the costume.

That is how you become a good gay top. Good luck! If you have any questions you would like to be answered please ask. I assure you the best of dating advice!

Sex Advice: How to Be A Swallower

It takes years of practice to be a good swallower. A background in biology is a must. A Masters is what is suggested. Depending on your biosphere, you may need to move to be a better more proactive swallower.

For the hobby swallower, I would suggest heading to your local library. Make sure your library doesn’t have Rush Limbaugh bias. A good way to check about the bias in your library is to look at the poetry section. If there are only two poem books and more pop magazines than Shakespeare, you are going to want to go to a more liberal library.

Once you have obtained your Master’s degree in biology, or found a liberal library that has more than one book on lgbt sex, you are going to want to make your way to the Dewey Decimal system. Find the numbers associated with with the natural sciences and search for books on life science. Once you have located that find the books of American birds.

Go to the index and look for the American Swallow. Find the species of swallow and head deep into the woods. Don’t forget to bring a good pair of binoculars! That is how most the learning is done.

You now have become a successful swallower! Congratulations! As you can see I have years of experience in giving sex and relationship advice. For advice please come to me on Tumblr and I will answer to the best of my abilities your sex or relationship questions.

Dating Advice: Taking It Balls Deep

Taking balls down to the deep end can be very exciting. Be forewarned, it can be dangerous as well. Keeping buoyant in this situation can be difficult.

You are going to want to contact your local YMCA or get in contact with a public pool manager or Hotel manager in which that the hotel contains a pool. Chlorine is beneficial, but not necessary as lakes have deep ends and drop offs as well. Ask for prices if needed and obtain the proper amount of finances to rent out some pool space for a day.

If you are deciding to use a lake, none of this planning should be necessary. Lakes are best used in the summer time unless you like to polar plunge.

The second step is going to your local Walmart or Target to buy two beach balls. Three is impossible to even imagine where as four is for a thing called double penetration. But that is for more advanced dating courses and requires at least four years of education after high school.

After purchasing two beach balls blow them up using your mouth. This will keep your mouth fresh and open to new experiences.

Now you may travel to your pool or lake and carefully make your way to the deep end. Place your balls there and jump in for a fun time.

You have officially taken it balls deep.

For any dating advice, please ask me on my Tumblr. As you can tell, I have years of experience. I would love to answer your questions.
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