Jacob Woods

Jacob Woods
Jacob is gay. He eats, breathes, and sleeps lgbtqia issues. He is a psychology major currrently working to educate the simpletons. He attends college in the Twin Cities.

Wednesday, February 23

Black People: Condoms and Fagots

Hurray for stereotypes and stupidity! I was out this weekend in Burnsville Minnesota with my boyfriend. I arrived at his lovely home to meet his parents on Friday evening and stayed until noon on Tuesday. We had a fantastic day on Saturday. We did everything from hitting up LA fitness, to shopping around, to eating Chinese, to bumping into my family at the Mall of America, to exploring abandoned buildings, to watching a comedian in the VIP section. The rest of the evening was rated mature. Whatever that could ever mean.

But let us focus.

We took the public transit from Burnsville to the MOA and there was a group of colored people at the bus stop. It doesn't really matter that they were black I guess. But there is a degree of irritation and irony in their pure ignorance. Not even ignorance. Plain old stupidity.

Chris and I made our way to the back of the bus just like the black people should have had there been racist laws still in place that classified blacks as sub human. The group followed us to the back and started causing a ruckus and a kind white women passively began reading a newspaper.

Showing the simple PDA that any couple would show sitting in a public place, Chris held his arm around my shoulder. People were sneering a bit as they were also a bit confused. It was as if they were watching walruses having sex. They were secretly flabbergasted but didn't say a word.

The gangster posers, as Chris likes to call them, you know the ones who try to sell weed and act like a gangster by acting tough and calling their women fat and shouting noisily on the bus to get the non existent attention they deserve type of wanna be gangsters. In some ways they reminded me of Justin Bieber. But they couldn't sing.

There were about four of the critters on the bus, and these four represented not everyone who is black but just the stereotypical let me sell  you weed on the bus big Mike type. The ones who sing crappy rap lyrics in hoods as a way to dissipate from the world. They represented themselves, and nobody else. That is why I call them critters.

The shorter of the monkey gangsters, I may have to reconsider my psychology major, said, "Hey bros. Are you two gay?"

Chris and I looked at each other. Then, mostly Chris, a 6 foot 1 hunk looked at a measly little black dude and said, "Yes."

Like a bunch of monkeys who had just seen a magic trick they exploded into a fit of laughter, "Dude, yous gay man! Like take it in the ass gay?"

Eye rolls came from the lady of white skin as she hid further into her newspaper. Perhaps she read a news story about hate crimes or suicides of gay boys in high school. I wanted her sympathy. But knew like the past I would get none. No one wants to believe they have entered the twilight zone. They just sort of accept like rape in the ear.

They carried on and began to simmer down a bit until the short Ponyo of the bunch asks, "Dude, if your gay, kiss each other right now."

My original thought was, "Bitch twat, I don't need to prove shit to no one." But Chris looked cute and what is the worst that could happen? Would they pull out a condom from the abyss and throw it at us? I didn't think so. So we leaned into one another and gave each other a smackeroo just like any couple would do. But to me it was like asking, are you two couples, kiss to prove it. Very middle schoolish.

They all got all creeped out again and bounced around laughing like a bunch of uncultured kangaroos in the ghetto outback and the poor little white gal said, "Excuse me!" in a pissed off voice and proceeded to move to the front of the bus where she belonged. She was white, its like first class up there or something.

Chris and I sort of mumbled to each other about the unfolding situation. And the short dude went as far to assume that we weren't in sports, "Dude, so neither of you are in sports?"

My boyfriend responded calmly, though he wanted to beat the shit out of him, "Just because your gay doesn't mean you don't play sports. I am in boxing."

The short little black man secretly shit himself. He realized he was smaller. Back to silence again.

The other guy to our left sat observing us like we were Egyptian mummies in a museum. Dreadlock black man noticed that short black man had his ass in our direction, "Dude, your ass is facing towards them."

It wasn't long after that they turned around and were holding a wet condom in their hand waving it our faces. Dude, nigga deserved to be bitch slapped like the way he treat his women, zing! Little black dude threw the condom at Chris. Chris followed through hitting the condom with his hand as it landed with a memorable splat on the bus floor walkway.

The group laughed some more.


Michael Javert said...

OH MY ! I think that the racist remarks were completely appropriate in this context and the given situation.

Jacob Woods said...

this post did have some blunt racist statements in it. but hopefully people don't take it in the wrong sense of the words. But everyone interprets writing differently. there is not much I can do about that.

aerotrooper said...

There's no way around it. You're a racist Jabob. I didn't know that about you. :) I do have sympathy for that situation... sounded pretty scary. But your also a racist. :)

aerotrooper said...

But I will be christ like and love even the racist. Love the sinner hate the sin right? Of course I'm glad you wrote what you did I should say. It's a real thing that happened and I am appreciative of real content. So thanks!

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