Jacob Woods

Jacob Woods
Jacob is gay. He eats, breathes, and sleeps lgbtqia issues. He is a sociology major currrently working to educate the simpletons. He attends college in the Twin Cities.

Saturday, January 1

New Years Resolution

The meme of this "New Years Resolution" thing seems to be, oh, you can start your New Years any time of the year. It doesn't have to be today. I am super special because I think so originally. Well fuck you, tonight, I systematically conform to tradition. And perhaps another year I will say like magic and rainbows you can change your life any day.

There are two types of goals you can set for New Years. Those two are personal ones and social ones. Which are technically still personal ones. New Years resolutions tend to be idiosyncratic selfishnesses that really have no abidance a month after setting them. But in order to make at least one of my goals come true I am going to make a bunch of goals that are really broad. That way if something sort of lines up with what I set up I can say I achieved my goal.

Personal goal number 1. Keep clean. My room is a disaster. My face is a disaster. I haven't brushed my teeth in a week. Gross right? Not lying. Don't judge me. Dude I want to brush my teeth obsessively right now. I have terrible cleaning skills. And I hate style. So now I am going to clean myself up. I am going to make an effort to clean up after myself more often. It should lead to a more organized and effective life.

Personal goal number 2. Be amazing on YouTube. I am so excited for YouTube. YouTube is where dreams come true right? I really don't know what to expect from YouTube. But I hope things go well there. So I am going to be amazing on YouTube this coming year.

Personal goal number 3. Become better at grammar. Read on how to write in proper and perfect English. Become aware of all the mistakes I make in social networking and fix every error I find. Look at other people's errors and scoff when they make a mistake because that way I can not make grammar errors when I write. Learn to edit my writing more effectively.

Personal goal number 4. Tell my grandmother I am gay. I don't really know why I feel I have to tell her. I feel like it would make a good YouTube video or a good blog. I can almost see how this will go.

Personal goal number 5. Get one pastor to give a sermon on the topic of homosexuality.

Personal goal number 6. Get one crappy and nasty conservative and bigoted website shut down. Perhaps two. www.christwire.org. Look at the tweets. They have me in them. It is pretty funny what the tweet guy said to me there. Go spam their website. Even if my website gets shut down because I hate their website it will be worth it.

Personal goal number 7. Send Tony Perkins and John McCain daily smiley faces on Twitter. Start a national campaign for the gay online community to send them smiley faces once a day. Get people pissed off. Laugh scornfully in the bathroom when Tweeting upon my cell phone at tony Perkins fuming tweets. HE HE HE!!!

Personal goal number 8. Spend more time outside. I am tired of being inside. I don't think I will be around to much this summer online. I am tired of the internet. I want to be outside more. But it is cold right now. I live in a frozen winter wonderland of conservative disgruntle in rural Minnesota. I deserve to be outside.

Personal goal number 9. Stop eating an entire pizza in one sitting. Never again eat a full package of Oreos. Never again spend my money on vending when you should of spent it on laundry. Learn what vegetables are. Learn how to eat vegetables.

Personal goal number 10. Be interviewed by someone. Famous or non famous I don't care. I just want to see how badly I can mess up an interview. If it is in front of a million viewers than I suppose I will embarrass myself. I would like to be interviewed about old man shirts and why I wear them.

Social goal number 1. Make a bunch of money writing and donate 1,000 bucks to a good charity once a month.

Social goal number 2. Make ten thousand new friends via social media. Ok 1,000 would be nice. And even better 10 good friends who I can talk to is better than a million friends who say OMG I luv yo wrk!!!!

Social goal number 3. Become modest.

Social goal number 4. Give a person a compliment everyday. And don't make it a lie.

Social goal number 5. Call someone every Sunday and say I love them.

Social goal number 6. Start hanging out with my boyfriend extensively.

Social goal number 7. Eat pancakes because they make me happy which therefore makes other people who have to deal with me happier.

Social goal number 8. Get to know my professors better. Stop in and say hi and talk about their areas of interest.

Social goal number 9. Make use of my counselors when life gives me lemons. The world is better with lemonade.

Social goal number 10. Help one person change their mind towards the better in regards to homosexuality by publishing my book Good as Gay: A Personal Memoir of A Gay Rural Boy. Or something equally amazing.

Share! LAugh Grow.

Have an amazing year. And quit being so stuck up.


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